Monday, July 20, 2009

Sorry for the Imagery

It's been HOT these past couple of weeks. I think even by most of your standards. Okay, by none of your standards unless you live in northern Canada, but I'm telling you the temp hit over 70 every day last week, and into the 80s once or twice! It was so hot that I wore shorts to the grocery store. THAT'S HOT, and I don't mean in a Paris Hilton kind of way.

Speaking of hot and shorts-wearing, if you ever need a boost in your flagging self-esteem, come visit Alaska in the summer. You think you're a little overweight? Maybe a tad on the pale side? I can guarantee you, we've a state full of portly, fish belly-white humanoids that'll make you feel better about yourself.

We're a people who don't own cute summer outfits, so when we get HOT, the men pull on their one pair of swimming trunks and the women go out publicly in boxers and tank tops that they normally wear only to bed as pajamas. We're talking cleavage spilling out of tiny shirts—and not the sort you see on Carls Jr ads. They're the look away, quick! kind of Grandma-saggy bosoms. With old tattoos of little flowers that have long since lost their brilliant color and now just look like Bic pen drawings.

Whatever. It's too hot to begrudge my red-faced, sweating neighbors their inappropriate attire. In fact, I appreciate their lack of modesty if it makes my own jiggly paleness—or is it pale jiggliness?—less offensive. Now where'd I put my tankini? It's time to run to the market.




Dinner last night: pasta alfredo with grilled chicken strips




9 comments:

Alexis AKA MOM said...

Ohhh sign me up I'd so fit in ... LOL. These legs don't see shorts often anymore. Don't even think of swimsuits anymore, it's out of my vocabulary for good. Paste and fluffy here I come :). LOL

I hear you cool down please! I can only wear long pants for so much longer!

Helene said...

I'm really trying to sympathize with you on the 80 degree weather. But it's kinda hard when it's been 105 degrees the last few days. LOL

Mother Mayhem said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mother Mayhem said...

Hm... It's been unseasonably cool here for July. Nights in the 50s. Days in the low to mid 70s. Just the way I like it! :o)

I stepped outside wearing shorts and blinded everyone in the neighborhood.

Kathy B! said...

Im thinking you would shrivel up and die if you had to deal with the summer hell we have here in North Carolina. Yes, it's hot (90's)... but the humidity. Is UNBELIEVABLE.

glitzen said...

hahahah, boy you ARE hard on us, huh? I got back from Hawaii May 30th, and had worn flip flops every day since then, so what a shock to put on SOCKS this week! Our weather has cooled quite a bit, and I miss the sunny stuff already. Hopefully summer is saving some bursts of sun for what is left before fall.

Dianna@KennedyAdventures said...

Brett and I were laughing so hard at this post last night, the kids thought we were NUTS!!! Thanks!

Jennifer said...

That's sounds like a wonderful fantasy world! I would love to live in a land where I can be the prettiest, skinniest one there. Sounds fantastic!

lilmansworld said...

we are having such a lousy summer I am longing for Florida again! everyone here thinks its great but when I think summer I think florida in December.